A to Z Blogging Challenge : C is for commuting to work and getting some guilt free ‘me’ time

A to Z Blogging Challenge : Apr 3 C
Over the last five years, I have had the dubious pleasure of not having to commute to work at all. I work from home, or in a workspace which is abt two minutes walk from my home. The walk is picturesque campus. My daughter’s day care is on the way, so I drop her off while leaving for work and pick her up when I am coming back.

Now, considering how crowded and congested most major Indian cities are, isnt this a big blessing. Well I assumed so for a long time. Especially in the initial days, when I had just moved to Ahmedabad, and was fresh from long two wheeler rides to my workplace through the congested streets of Bangalore.

But very soon this began to pall. On those ocassions when I had to go to Bangalore and commute to work, I started enjoying it. My workplace was now further away, and I had to take public transport to reach it, but I would say this added to my enjoyment. I borrowed books from friends and colleagues. I would load books onto my kindle and read it on the way. Planning for what I would read during the long bus ride was an activity in itself.

Looking back, I think what I really liked about this time was the fact that it was totally ‘me’ time and I didnt need to give an excuse to anybody, least of all myself, to claim that time for me, to pursue my hobbies. I feel women who are trying to balance household as well as jobs are on a constant guilt trip on how they are underperforming in one of these roles, or perhaps both, and so even if they have time for leisure that is clouded by guilt. But when I sat on a bus to go to work, I was free from all that. No household work is expected of me while I commute (though many women in the local trains of Mumbai manage that as well), no office work is expected of me either. So I could read to my hearts content.

How free are you ? Social Roles get you one way or the other

Recently, I heard that a young couple who had gotten married fairly recently were expecting their first child. My first reaction was, “Of course I am not surprised. The girl is not working.”

This reaction and all the judgment it involves set me thinking about the fact that as an educated working woman, I have spent so much of my life trying to fight the social role of a conventional woman, which is usually imposed on us, but at the same time, I am replacing one social role, with another, and judging a lot of women by whether or not they measure upto it. My new ideal woman is someone who has a fairly decent education, is capable of working. But this is only a superficial description. Underneath, I also assume that she will be aware of family planning, willing to follow family planning and capable of doing it.  If anyone therefore got pregnant right after marriage, she was not really educated or concerned about a job. That a woman, educated or otherwise,  may choose to have a child soon after marriage is not a possibility I was willing to grant anyone.

In that way I exclude many possibilities for educated women. I wonder why someone would choose not to work (even if she has no commitments like children). I wonder why someone gives up a chance for a productive job to dabble in some kind of hobby. Actually, I exclude many possibilities for myself. Though there are times when I find the dual responsibility of motherhood and a job physically and emotionally exhausting, I don’t even consider quitting. There are days when I feel, I would love to not have to do a job, so that I can read all the amazing books which this well stocked library possesses, but I know that is totally fantasy. There are days when I feel I want to quit all these jobs, and pursue yoga seriously, but again, I know that thought is going nowhere. I dont mean to say I work unwillingly, but I acknowledge that my decision to work is not wholly a ‘free decision’. At some level, it is influenced by my expectation that a woman should work.

This is not just my expectation. A scan of matrimonial ads will show that in most cases prospective grooms desire working women, preferably, professionally qualified.   A lot of recently married women tell me something like, my husband would like me to work, So I will settle into the new place and start looking for a job. He does not want me to be a house wife. Now I wonder, and I want to ask them, “Do you really want to work there, or do you just think you want to or your husband wants you to. Would you prefer to settle into married life without the additional responsibility of finding a job. Would you prefer to pursue some hobby which you never had the time to for now. Would you continue to value and respect yourself if you dont take up a job. Or will you feel like an underachiever every time you hear of a career progression of a friend or erstwhile colleague.

So is this where my personal empowerment has led me?  Replacing one set of ideals with another. It was far easier fighting the other role of an ideal woman as a ‘good and dutiful wife, mother, daughter in law etc etc’. It is so much more difficult to fight this role, since its something I created myself. I will need to shift my empowerment drive to a higher gear, where I really make free and informed choices, with no pressure to fulfill any social role.

No Place to Call Office : Tips on Working Successfully from Home

Ok, this post was long overdue. I have been working ‘offsite’ for more than a year now, and I think the evidence so far is that it seems to work (rather I seem to work well, at a distance of more than 1000 kms from my office). I am relatively happy with my work, my output seems to be as much as it ever was before, and more importantly, my boss has expressed her satisfaction with the work.

This opportunity to work offsite came for me for various reasons. Yes, Society is still patrilocal, and there came a phase when I had to move away because of my husband’s career. But I don’t mean to say that we were sacrificing my career at the altar of my husbands. The decision was made on the simple calculation that what we would lose if I gave up my job and moved was not as high as what we would lose if we gave up this career opportunity for him. I would probably have been OK with leaving the job and looking for something else, but my boss presented me with this option, just to see if it works. I took it up, because I didn’t want to leave a job due to an external factor, when I still felt that there was so much left unfinished out here. If I had to quit, I would have felt better if it was at a time when I could  feel there was nothing more me or the organization were gaining from our association.

Now, I know, working from home is hardly anything new. There are millions of freelancers out there, who have flexible hours, work with multiple organizations and are judged based on deliverables, rather than processes. But the terms of my working have been rather unique. I am not a consultant taking one off assignments. I have a full commitment to a job, which expects me to work the regular hours. I am not part of some research agency, where my work boundaries are completely delineated. Roles, responsibilities and boundaries are fairly fluid for all of us, and we can frequently be multi-tasking a mind-boggling list of tasks.

So here are some tips on how I have made this work for myself :

1. Keep telling yourself that you have a job and you are accountable to it. I know flexi hours are sought after, but I have also heard a lot of people who attempt working from home, who feel that it is quite difficult just to keep the discipline and work when we have to. The tendency is to slack. Flexi hours means no one is watching the clock for you, doesn’t mean you shouldnt watch the clock yourself, and delineate certain hours as definitely for work.

2. Establish a daily routine, a regular place for work. If possible, let it be a little different from the space you otherwise use during the day.

3. In your work day, set aside some time for tea/snacks etc which are regular. Even in an office we dont sit in one place the whole time, and take breaks for tea or coffee. But setting a specific time for it ensures that you dont overdose on caffeine.

4. Work is sometimes erratic, there are days when you have a lot of work, and days where you are twiddling your thumbs. The temptation is to of course do some other stuff on the days you twiddle your thumbs. Go ahead and do it by all means, but make sure you are always mentally prepared to get back to work at a moment’s notice. I sometimes do random google searches or blog while at work. But I can switch back to writing donor reports, or doing data analysis in a minute.

5. Flexi hours gives the temptation of using the day time for more interesting tasks. We can always work at night and cover it up right!! Or so we feel. But even with flexi hours, its good to keep to a rational and fairly regular work day. Don’t get into the habit of planning other things during the ‘work time’. Of course, sometimes we may need to do it. There may be a doctor’s appointment, or an urgent visit to the bank. Take it up. But if you feel like catching the morning show of the latest movie or wanting to go for a sumptuous lunch, avoid it. A common rule to decide what is acceptable and what is not. If you were still working in office, would you feel comfortable taking some time off, being truthful about the nature of your visit. If your boss calls you suddenly, would you feel comfortable telling her the truth of where you are and why you are not at work. If yes, then you may make that visit.

6. Set your work expectations very clearly before your family. Tell them what you are expected to do and how. Family needs to respect the work time, and not expect you to do random work, entertain visitors or make social calls during wor hours.

7. Keep in touch with colleagues, not just for work, but as people, as friends. Say hi to them on chat. Call regularly.

My experiment with offsite work would not have succeeded without the support of many people- my family, husband and parents in laws who respect work boundaries, and my colleagues, who don’t mind the irritation of bad connection and still try to get me on phone or skype for every important meeting. And I am glad with this evolving new way of working which doesn’t repeatedly pose the question to women : Marriage or Career?